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Start
as early as middle school.
When your teen begins to show an interest
in dating, you’ll want to iron out how you feel about it. Besides the ‘my
daughter isn’t dating until she is thirty’ thoughts that will run through
your head, there should be some serious thoughts about how you would like
to see this dating thing work out. Not that it will work out according
to that plan, but a road map is always good to follow when facing uncharted
territory. After you’ve done this – and taken a deep breath - you’re ready
to talk to your teen about dating.
Here
are a list of things you can do to better prepare your teen about dating.
1. Be clear when talking
to your teen that while you’ll discuss dating with him/her, that doesn’t
mean you are giving your permission to go out on dates or begin dating
someone. Help your teen weight the pros and cons of dating. Explain
how dating can take up money and/or time that is spent doing some other
activity that he/she enjoys. Try to show him/her that dating ‘just to date’
or ‘because his/her friends are dating’ is never a good choice.
2. Discuss the responsibility
of dating with your teen. Dating involves another person who your teen
will need to treat with respect. Share your values and your expectations
that your teen develop good values too. Ask your teen what he/she thinks,
feels or wants in the way of permissions when he/she begins dating. Use
your active listening skills.
3. Share your thoughts on
what you feel are appropriate rules for dating. If your teen is dating
right now, you’ll need to iron out and cement these rules. If not, try
not to turn this talk into a debate on rules.
4. Make it very clear to your
teen, through words and actions, that you will always be there for him/her
should he/she have any questions or if he/she needs a sympathetic ear.
Dating can be rough. Although your teen will need to make his/her own choices,
you’ll want him/her to ask your advice.
5. Talk about sex. There is no
way out of this part of the conversation. Remember to share your expectations
and family values. Explain to both your son and daughter that ‘no’
means ‘no’. This isn’t just about sexual intercourse, it also is about
anything your teen or your teen’s date does not want to do. Role playing
some scenarios will help get this point across.
6. Tell your son/daughter that
dating is meant to be fun. If your teen ever feels threatened, verbally
put down or is physically harmed, he/she should come to you or another
trusted adult right away.
Additional
Tips:
Understand that this does not have to be
all one talk. Break it up into many talks. Continue the conversation throughout
your teen’s adolescence. When you’re finished talking, write
down your thoughts on the conversation. Were there still questions or things
you felt were left unsaid? Remember to say them or to ask when you talk
to your teen again. Remember that your teen is learning about
relationships by watching you in your relationships. The more you work
on your own and use your own advice, they better your teen will ‘hear’
you when you talk to him/her about dating. |
